Marriage, in its truest form, is a living, breathing entity. It requires consistent care, intentional effort, and a deep, abiding commitment to grow together through life’s unpredictable seasons. In a world that often prioritizes quick fixes and disposable connections, the art of nurturing a long-term partnership can sometimes feel like a lost practice. The alarming statistics on divorce are ever-present, but behind those numbers lies a more hopeful truth: that with the right tools, mindset, and a shared dedication, a marriage can not only survive, but thrive, becoming a source of profound joy, security, and partnership.

The conversation around strengthening relationships is more vibrant and vital than ever, especially on platforms like TikTok and Pinterest, where a new generation is seeking out genuine, practical advice. The trends are moving away from generic platitudes and towards actionable, research-backed strategies. We’re seeing a focus on "emotional bids," "conscious communication," and the importance of maintaining individual identities within a partnership. The modern approach to a healthy marriage is not about losing yourself in another person, but about two whole individuals choosing to build a life together, actively and intentionally, every single day.

This guide is a deep dive into 10 foundational, actionable ways to strengthen your marriage and build a more resilient, loving, and divorce-proof partnership. We will count them down in descending order, moving from important habits to the absolute cornerstones of a lasting bond. This is not about grand, romantic gestures, but about the small, consistent, daily practices that weave a tapestry of trust, intimacy, and unwavering support. Whether you are newlyweds laying the foundation for your future or a long-term couple looking to reconnect, these principles are your roadmap to a deeper, more fulfilling union.

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10. Create and Maintain Shared Rituals of Connection

The Vibe: Life has a way of becoming a relentless series of logistical tasks—work schedules, household chores, errands, and appointments. In this whirlwind of "doing," it’s dangerously easy to lose the simple, joyful act of "being" together. Shared rituals are the antidote to this. They are small, consistent, and often simple activities that you protect and prioritize as a couple. These are not elaborate date nights, but rather the quiet, everyday moments that become the sacred bedrock of your connection. A shared ritual says, "No matter how busy or chaotic life gets, this time is ours."

Why It Strengthens Your Marriage: Rituals create a sense of shared identity and history. They are the inside jokes, the familiar comforts, and the predictable moments of connection that make a couple feel like a "we." They build a private world that belongs only to the two of you, fostering a deep sense of security and belonging. According to relationship experts, these small, consistent moments of connection are far more impactful for long-term marital satisfaction than infrequent grand gestures. They are the daily deposits into your relationship’s emotional bank account. The process of building these rituals together is a beautiful part of a shared life, a theme we explore in our guide on Planning the Perfect Romantic Weekend Getaway.

How to Implement It: Sit down together and brainstorm some simple rituals you can incorporate into your life. The key is that they should be easy to maintain and enjoyable for both of you.

• Morning Coffee: Dedicate the first 15 minutes of the day to having a cup of coffee or tea together, without phones. Talk about your dreams, your plans for the day, or simply sit in comfortable silence.

• The "How Was Your Day?" Walk: After work, take a 20-minute walk around the neighbourhood to decompress and reconnect. This creates a clear transition from work life to home life.

• Shared Hobbies: Find a simple, low-pressure hobby you can do together, whether it’s a weekly board game night, doing the Sunday crossword puzzle, or cooking a new recipe together once a week.

• Bedtime Rituals: Put your phones away an hour before bed. Read side-by-side, give each other a quick foot rub, or simply hold each other and talk for a few minutes. This fosters intimacy and improves sleep quality, a topic the Sleep Foundation has extensively researched.

The specific ritual doesn't matter as much as the consistency and the intention behind it. Protect this time fiercely. It is the glue that holds you together during life's busiest seasons.

9. Maintain Your Individual Identity and Friendships

The Vibe: In the intoxicating early stages of a relationship, it's natural to want to merge into a single unit. However, one of the most common and dangerous long-term pitfalls in a marriage is when two individuals become so enmeshed that they lose their sense of self. A strong marriage is not about two halves making a whole; it's about two whole, independent individuals choosing to walk a parallel path. Maintaining your own hobbies, passions, and, crucially, your own friendships is not a threat to your marriage; it is essential for its survival.

Why It Strengthens Your Marriage: When you maintain your own identity, you bring more to the relationship. You have new experiences, ideas, and energy to share with your partner. It prevents the relationship from becoming stagnant and codependent. Having your own support system of friends provides a vital outlet for different types of conversation and connection, which takes the pressure off your partner to be your everything. It also builds resilience. When your entire sense of self is tied to your marriage, any marital problem can feel like a life-shattering identity crisis. An independent self is a stronger self, which makes for a stronger partner. The journey of maintaining your identity is a core part of personal growth, a theme we explore in our Transform Your Life series.

How to Implement It:

• Schedule "You" Time: Actively block out time in your calendar for your own hobbies, whether it's a weekly yoga class, a solo trip to a museum, or just an hour to read alone.

• Nurture Your Friendships: Make a conscious effort to schedule one-on-one time with your friends, without your partner. These relationships need to be nurtured independently.

• Encourage Your Partner's Independence: Actively support your partner's hobbies and friendships. Show genuine interest in their passions. A healthy relationship is one where both partners champion each other's growth and individuality. For more on the importance of autonomy in relationships, you can explore articles on psychology websites like Psychology Today. The balance of togetherness and independence is a key component of many successful partnerships, a topic we touch on in our article on [Navigating the First Year of Marriage](https ://https://www.google.com/search?q=www.thatlovepodcast.com/post/navigating-the-first-year-of-marriage-tips-for-a-strong-foundation).

8. Become Masters of Repair: Apologize and Forgive

The Vibe: No marriage is free from conflict. Disagreements, misunderstandings, and hurt feelings are an inevitable part of sharing a life with another person. The difference between a couple that thrives and a couple that Withers is not the absence of conflict, but their ability to effectively repair the connection after a conflict has occurred. Being a "master of repair" means learning how to apologize genuinely, and, just as importantly, how to forgive and let go of resentment. It's about prioritizing the health of the relationship over the need to be "right."

Why It Strengthens Your Marriage: Unresolved conflicts and lingering resentments are like poison to a marriage. They slowly erode trust, intimacy, and goodwill. The ability to repair after a fight builds an incredible sense of safety and security in the relationship. It teaches both partners that they can survive disagreements, that a fight doesn't signal the end of the world, and that their connection is resilient enough to withstand challenges. According to renowned relationship researcher Dr. John Gottman, the success of a couple's repair attempts is one of the primary predictors of marital longevity. You can learn more about his groundbreaking work at The Gottman Institute's website. This process of repair is a fundamental skill, as crucial as setting Healthy Boundaries.

How to Implement It:

• The Anatomy of a Real Apology: A genuine apology takes ownership and acknowledges your partner's feelings. It avoids defensiveness. Instead of "I'm sorry you feel that way," try "I'm sorry that my actions made you feel hurt. That was not my intention, and I will try to be more mindful in the future."

• The 24-Hour Rule: If you are too angry to have a productive conversation, agree to take a break for a set amount of time (no more than 24 hours) to cool down. But you must commit to returning to the conversation.

• Forgive Actively: Forgiveness is not about condoning your partner's behaviour. It is a conscious choice to release the anger and resentment for your own peace and for the health of the relationship.

  
  

• Focus on the Positive: After a repair, make a conscious effort to rebuild the positive connection. Share a hug, do something kind for each other, or engage in a shared ritual. This helps to override the negative feelings from the conflict.

7. Schedule and Prioritize Sex and Intimacy

The Vibe: In the early days of a relationship, physical intimacy often happens spontaneously and frequently. But in a long-term marriage, amidst the realities of work, kids, and exhaustion, the "spontaneous" spark can begin to fade. This is normal. The solution is not to wait for spontaneity to strike, but to be intentional about creating space for intimacy. Scheduling sex might sound unromantic, but for busy couples, it is often the most practical and loving way to ensure that their physical connection remains a priority. It's a declaration that your intimacy is just as important as any other appointment on your calendar.

Why It Strengthens Your Marriage: Physical intimacy is a powerful bonding agent in a relationship. It releases hormones like oxytocin, which promotes feelings of closeness and connection. It’s a form of communication that transcends words, a way to express love, desire, and vulnerability. When a couple's physical connection wanes, it can often lead to feelings of distance, resentment, and insecurity in other areas of the relationship. Prioritizing intimacy is not just about physical release; it’s about nurturing a vital aspect of your partnership. Nurturing this connection is a key component of many long-term Couple Goals.

How to Implement It:

• Put it on the Calendar: Be deliberate. You can make it fun and call it your "date night in." The anticipation can actually build excitement.

• Redefine "Sex": Not every intimate encounter has to be a full, blockbuster event. Redefine intimacy to include making out, mutual masturbation, or simply spending time naked together. This takes the pressure off.

• Create the Atmosphere: On your scheduled night, make a little effort. Tidy the bedroom, light some candles, put on some music. Signal that this is a special, dedicated time.

• Talk About It: Have open and honest conversations about your desires, needs, and any challenges you're facing. This communication is the foundation of a healthy sex life. For more on this, we explore the importance of open communication in our That Love Podcast episodes.

6. Be a Student of Your Partner: Speak Their Love Language

The Vibe: We often make the mistake of loving our partners in the way we want to be loved, rather than in the way they need to be loved. The concept of the "5 Love Languages," developed by Dr. Gary Chapman, is a powerful framework for understanding this. The theory posits that people primarily give and receive love in one of five ways: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. Being a "student of your partner" means taking the time to learn and understand their primary love language and making a conscious effort to speak it, even if it's not your own.

Why It Strengthens Your Marriage: When you speak your partner's love language, you are sending a powerful message: "I see you. I understand you. I care about what makes you feel loved." It makes your gestures of love far more effective and deeply felt. If your partner's language is Acts of Service, a beautifully written love poem might be nice, but taking their car to get washed without being asked will fill their "love tank" to the brim. This practice fosters a deep sense of being seen and cherished, which is a cornerstone of marital satisfaction. You can take the official 5 Love Languages quiz online to discover your and your partner's types.

How to Implement It:

• Discover Your Languages: Take the quiz together and discuss the results. You might be surprised by what you learn.

• Make a Conscious Effort: If your partner's language is Quality Time, make sure you are putting your phone away and giving them your undivided attention during your time together. If it's Words of Affirmation, make a daily habit of telling them something you appreciate about them. If it's Receiving Gifts, small, thoughtful tokens will mean the world.

• Don't Forget Your Own: It’s also important to communicate your own love language to your partner so they know how to best make you feel loved. This kind of open communication is key, a theme we explore in our review of the romance novel Only Between Us.

5. Fight Fair: Master the Art of Healthy Conflict

The Vibe: Conflict is not a sign of a failing marriage; it is a sign that two different people are trying to build a life together. The goal is not to avoid conflict, but to learn how to navigate it in a way that is productive, not destructive. Fighting fair is about learning to communicate your needs and frustrations without resorting to what Dr. John Gottman calls the "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse": Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling. It’s about attacking the problem, not the person.

Why It Strengthens Your Marriage: Healthy conflict can actually be a catalyst for growth and deeper intimacy. It’s an opportunity to learn more about your partner, to voice your needs, and to work together as a team to solve a problem. When a couple can navigate disagreements with respect and empathy, it builds an incredible amount of trust. It reinforces the idea that the relationship is a safe space where both partners can be honest and vulnerable without fear of being attacked or dismissed.

How to Implement It:

• Use "I" Statements: Instead of "You always leave your clothes on the floor," which is a criticism, try "I feel stressed and overwhelmed when the bedroom is messy." This focuses on your feelings and the problem, not an attack on your partner's character.

• Avoid Absolutes: Ban words like "always" and "never" from your conflict vocabulary. They are rarely true and immediately put your partner on the defensive.

• Listen to Understand, Not to Respond: When your partner is speaking, try to truly listen to their perspective, even if you don't agree with it. The goal is to understand their feelings.

• Know When to Take a Break: If the conversation becomes too heated and unproductive, use a safe word or phrase like "Let's pause" and agree to take a 20-minute break to cool down.

• Remember You're on the Same Team: The goal is not to win the argument. The goal is to find a solution that works for both of you. You are working together against the problem. This team-based approach is a key component of many successful partnerships, a dynamic we see in many of the romantic movies we review, like the timeless classic About Time.

4. Assume Good Intent & Practice Gratitude

The Vibe: In a long-term marriage, it's easy to fall into a pattern of negative assumptions. We start to interpret a forgotten errand not as a simple mistake, but as a sign that our partner doesn't care. This ritual is about consciously choosing to fight that cynical drift. It involves two practices: assuming good intent and actively practicing gratitude. Assuming good intent means choosing to believe that your partner's actions come from a place of love or, at worst, simple human error, not malice. Practicing gratitude means actively looking for and acknowledging the good things your partner does.

Why It Strengthens Your Marriage: This mindset shift is one of the most powerful things you can do for your relationship. Assuming good intent diffuses conflict before it even begins. It creates an atmosphere of grace and understanding. Actively practicing gratitude rewires your brain to notice the positive. It combats the natural tendency to take a long-term partner for granted. Research from institutions like UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center has shown that gratitude is one of the strongest predictors of marital satisfaction and stability.

How to Implement It:

• The Generous Interpretation: The next time your partner does something that annoys you, pause and try to come up with the most generous possible interpretation for their behaviour.

• The Daily "Thank You": Make a habit of thanking your partner for the small, everyday things—making the coffee, taking out the trash, listening to you vent about your day. Be specific. "Thank you for listening to me tonight, it really helped me feel supported."

  
  

• The Gratitude Journal: Keep a journal where you regularly write down things you appreciate about your partner. This can be a powerful private practice or something you share with each other. This act of appreciation is a beautiful way to foster love, a theme we celebrate in our list of 20 Best Cocktails for Valentine's Day (and Date Night).

3. Have Each Other's Backs: The Power of a United Front

The Vibe: A marriage is a team, a private partnership against the world. One of the most important functions of this team is to present a united front, especially when it comes to outside forces like in-laws, friends, or even your own children. This means supporting your partner's decisions in public (even if you discuss them in private), defending them from criticism, and always making it clear that your primary loyalty lies with them. It’s the unwavering knowledge that, no matter what, your partner is in your corner.

Why It Strengthens Your Marriage: Presenting a united front builds an impenetrable fortress of trust and security around your relationship. It tells your partner that they are your number one priority. This is particularly crucial when navigating complex family dynamics. When your partner knows that you will support them in front of your parents or siblings, it creates a profound sense of safety and eliminates a major source of potential conflict. It fosters a deep "us against the world" mentality that is incredibly bonding. The strength that comes from this kind of partnership is a theme we also see in our review of the powerful series Andor.

How to Implement It:

• Discuss and Align in Private: Before a family gathering or a major decision involving your children, have a private conversation to make sure you are both on the same page.

• No Public Undermining: Never contradict or criticize your partner in front of others. If you disagree, save that conversation for when you are alone.

• Be a Buffer and an Advocate: If a family member is being critical of your partner, it is your job to step in and defend them. Your partner should not have to fight those battles alone.

• Use "We" Language: When talking to others about decisions you've made as a couple, use the word "we." "We've decided..." or "We feel that..." This reinforces your status as a unified team.

2. Turn Towards: The Art of the Emotional Bid

The Vibe: This is another cornerstone concept from The Gottman Institute, and it is arguably one of the most important. An "emotional bid" is any attempt from one partner to another for attention, affirmation, or connection. These are not grand declarations; they are tiny, everyday moments. A bid can be a sigh, a comment like "Wow, look at that bird outside," or a simple touch on the arm. The receiving partner has three choices: they can "turn towards" the bid by engaging with it, "turn away" by ignoring or missing it, or "turn against" it with an irritable or hostile response.

Why It Strengthens Your Marriage: A marriage is built or broken in these tiny, seemingly insignificant moments. Consistently "turning towards" your partner's bids for connection is the single greatest contributor to building trust and emotional intimacy. It tells your partner, "You are important to me. What you think and feel matters." Couples who regularly turn towards each other build up a massive reserve of goodwill and positive feeling. Couples who regularly turn away slowly erode their connection, leading to feelings of loneliness and emotional distance.

How to Implement It:

• Pay Attention: The first step is to simply become aware of the bids your partner is making throughout the day.

• Engage with the Bid: When your partner says, "Wow, I'm so tired," a "turning towards" response is not to solve their problem, but to simply acknowledge it: "You've had such a long day. I'm sorry you're so tired." When they point out the bird, look at the bird. It's that simple.

• Make Your Own Bids: Be conscious of making your own small bids for connection throughout the day.

• Put Down the Phone: The single biggest obstacle to seeing and responding to bids is our distraction by screens. Make a conscious effort to be present. The power of being present is a key to all healthy relationships, a theme we explore in our review of the moving series This Is Us. For those looking for tools to enhance their relationship, you can find a variety of books, journals, and conversation starters on platforms like Amazon.

1. Nurture Fondness and Admiration

The Vibe: At the very top of our list is the practice that acts as the immune system for a marriage: actively nurturing your fondness and admiration for each other. In the midst of life's stresses, it can be easy to lose sight of the person you fell in love with and focus instead on their flaws and annoyances. Nurturing fondness and admiration is the conscious, daily practice of looking for the good. It's about remembering and cherishing the qualities you admire in your partner and expressing that admiration out loud. It is the fuel that keeps the flame of love burning brightly through the years.

Why It Strengthens Your Marriage: According to Dr. Gottman, the presence or absence of fondness and admiration is the single greatest predictor of whether a marriage will succeed or fail. When this system is strong, the relationship can weather almost any storm. When it is weak, even minor conflicts can feel insurmountable. A culture of appreciation creates a powerful positive feedback loop. When you feel admired by your partner, you are more likely to be generous, forgiving, and loving in return. It is the antidote to contempt, the most toxic of all relationship killers.

How to Implement It:

• Catch Them Doing Something Right: Make it a game to actively look for things your partner is doing well, and then voice your appreciation. "I really admire how patiently you handled that difficult phone call."

• Relive the Good Times: Regularly reminisce about your positive shared history. Talk about your first date, your wedding day, a favourite vacation. This reminds you of the foundation of your love story. The celebration of these milestones is so important, a topic we cover in our guide to Celebrating Your First Wedding Anniversary.

• The "I Appreciate" Exercise: Dedicate five minutes a day to telling each other one specific thing you appreciated about them that day.

• Think Fondly: Even when you are apart, make a conscious effort to think fond thoughts about your partner. This private practice can significantly shift your overall perception of them. This is the ultimate act of love, a topic that is the very heart of That Love Podcast itself.

Conclusion

A strong and lasting marriage is not something you find; it is something you build. It is built in the small, everyday moments—in the choice to turn towards instead of away, in the courage to offer a genuine apology, in the conscious decision to look for the good, and in the unwavering commitment to have each other's backs. It is a daily practice of choosing your partner, and your partnership, over and over again. The ten principles outlined in this guide are not a magic formula, but a practical toolkit. They are the building blocks for creating a relationship that is not just divorce-proof, but is a source of profound joy, deep security, and enduring love. The journey is not always easy, but with intention, empathy, and a shared commitment to growth, you can build a marriage that truly lasts a lifetime.

We hope this article has provided you with valuable insights and practical tools to strengthen your relationship. This blog is a labour of love, and we are passionate about providing free, high-quality content. If you enjoyed what you read, please consider supporting our work. A small donation helps us continue to create and share valuable resources. You can also support us by sharing this article with a friend who might find it useful. Your support means the world to us.

Read More From That Love Podcast:

• Navigating the First Year of Marriage: Tips for a Strong Foundation

• 11 Cozy Self-Love Practices to Help You Heal From the Inside Out

• Couple Goals: 30 Relationship Goals for a Stronger, More Intimate Connection

• Planning the Perfect Romantic Weekend Getaway: A Guide for Couples

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

1. We've grown so far apart. Is it too late to save our marriage? It is rarely too late if both partners are willing to do the work. The key is a shared commitment to trying. Starting with small, consistent practices like the ones on this list can begin to rebuild connection, but for deep-seated issues, professional couples counseling is highly recommended.

2. What if I'm the only one trying to improve the marriage? This is a very difficult situation. You can only control your own actions. You can start by implementing practices that are within your control, like assuming good intent and nurturing your own friendships. However, a marriage is a partnership, and long-term health requires effort from both sides. This is a crucial topic to address with your partner directly and honestly.

3. How often should we have "date nights"? Quality is more important than quantity. A weekly, phone-free, 20-minute walk where you truly connect can be more beneficial than a monthly, expensive dinner where you are both distracted. The goal is consistent, quality connection, whatever that looks like for you.

4. Is it normal to not feel "in love" all the time? Yes, it is completely normal. The intoxicating, "in-love" feeling of the early stages of a relationship (limerence) naturally fades. A mature, lasting love is characterized by a deeper, quieter connection based on commitment, trust, and companionship. Feelings will ebb and flow, but the commitment remains.

   
   

5. How do we stop having the same fight over and over again? Repetitive fights are almost always about a deeper, underlying issue that isn't being addressed. Try to look beneath the surface of the topic (like the dishes) and ask what the fight is really about (e.g., "I feel unappreciated," or "I feel like I'm carrying the whole load"). A couples therapist can be incredibly helpful in identifying these patterns.

6. What is the most common reason couples get divorced? While reasons are varied, research from experts like The Gottman Institute consistently points to the "Four Horsemen"—Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling—as the primary predictors of divorce. Contempt is considered the most dangerous.

   
   

7. How can we improve our communication? Start with active listening. When your partner is speaking, put down your distractions, make eye contact, and listen with the goal of understanding their perspective, not just waiting for your turn to talk. Repeating back what you heard ("So, what I'm hearing you say is...") can be a powerful tool to ensure you are on the same page.

8. Is it okay to go to bed angry? The old adage "never go to bed angry" isn't always the best advice. Trying to resolve a conflict when you are both exhausted and emotional can often do more harm than good. It is perfectly okay to agree to "pause" the conversation and revisit it in the morning when you are both calmer and more rested.

9. How do we rebuild trust after it's been broken? Rebuilding trust is a slow and difficult process that requires consistent, trustworthy behaviour over time. The person who broke the trust must be willing to be completely transparent, patient, and accountable for their actions. The person who was hurt must be willing, eventually, to forgive. Professional help is often essential in this process.

   
   

10. Where can we find a good couples therapist? You can ask your doctor for a recommendation, or use online directories. Reputable organizations like the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) in the UK or the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) in the US have directories of qualified therapists.