10 Proven Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage

In the grand, beautiful, and often chaotic story of our lives, a marriage is not a single chapter; it is the entire novel. It’s a living, breathing entity that requires attention, care, and intention to thrive. In a world that moves at lightning speed, filled with digital distractions and endless pressures, it can be all too easy to let the most important relationship in our lives slip into autopilot. The cultural conversation around marriage, however, is undergoing a beautiful and much-needed shift. A look at the trending relationship advice on platforms like TikTok and Pinterest reveals a powerful move away from reactive problem-solving and towards a more proactive, wellness-based approach. The new ideal is "relationship wellness," treating a marriage like a cherished garden that needs consistent, gentle tending to flourish.

This new approach is not about grand, dramatic gestures; it's about the small, consistent, and intentional habits that build a foundation of trust, intimacy, and joyful connection. It’s the trend of the weekly "State of the Union" check-in, a space for safe and open communication. It’s the celebration of "green flags," the small, positive actions that affirm your love and respect for one another. It's about understanding that a strong marriage isn't something you have; it's something you build, day by day, choice by choice. This list is a detailed, in-depth guide to the ten most powerful, proven, and on-trend habits that can help you do just that. These are the practices that will help you not just stay together, but to grow together, creating a partnership that is resilient, passionate, and deeply fulfilling.

We hope you find this article inspiring and helpful for your relationship! If you enjoy our content, please consider supporting our work with a small donation or by sharing our articles with your friends and family. Your support helps us continue to create joyful and informative content.

10. Celebrate the "Green Flags" Daily

The Habit: Make a conscious, daily effort to notice and verbally acknowledge the small, positive things your partner does. This is the act of actively looking for the "green flags" in your own relationship, the opposite of dwelling on grievances.

The "Why": Our brains are naturally wired with a negativity bias; we are designed to notice threats and problems more easily than positives. In a long-term relationship, this can lead to a dynamic where we become experts in our partner's flaws while taking their positive attributes for granted. The trend of celebrating "green flags" on social media is a powerful antidote to this. By intentionally shifting your focus to the good, you are actively rewiring your brain to see your partner and your relationship in a more positive light. This practice builds a culture of appreciation and affirmation, creating a positive feedback loop where both partners feel seen, valued, and motivated to continue their positive actions. It’s a small shift that can fundamentally change the emotional climate of your marriage.

How to Do It: This is simpler than it sounds. It’s about catching your partner in the act of being wonderful.

• Be Specific: Instead of a generic "thanks for everything," try, "Thank you so much for making me a coffee this morning before I was even out of bed. It made my whole morning feel easier."

• Acknowledge Effort, Not Just Outcomes: Say, "I saw how hard you worked on that project, and I'm so proud of you," regardless of the final result.

• Praise Character Traits: Acknowledge their inherent goodness. "You were so patient with your mother on the phone just now. You are such a kind and compassionate person." This practice is not about ignoring problems, but about ensuring that the positive aspects of your relationship are given just as much, if not more, airtime. It's a foundational step in building a partnership based on mutual admiration and respect, a key component of any strong and lasting relationship.

External Link: The concept of building a "culture of appreciation" is a cornerstone of the work done by The Gottman Institute, a leading research institution on marital stability. Their website is an incredible resource.

9. Establish a "State of the Union" Check-In

The Habit: Schedule a weekly, protected time to sit down with your partner and have a structured, non-confrontational conversation about your relationship. This is your "State of the Union," a dedicated time to check in, connect, and address small issues before they become big ones.

The "Why": One of the biggest killers of a marriage is the slow, silent build-up of unspoken resentments. The weekly check-in, a massive trend among relationship therapists on TikTok, is a proactive tool to prevent this. It creates a safe, predictable space where both partners know they will have a chance to speak and be heard without the conversation devolving into a spontaneous, emotionally charged fight. It’s a form of preventative maintenance for your marriage, allowing you to regularly tune up your connection, celebrate what's working, and gently address what isn't.

How to Do It: Structure is key to making this work.

• Set a Time: Put it in your calendars like any other important appointment. A Sunday evening is often a good time.

• No Distractions: Phones away, TV off. This is a dedicated, focused time.

• Follow a Format: A great format is for each partner to take turns answering a few simple prompts, such as: "What went well in our relationship this week?" "What is one thing I could do for you next week?" and "Is there anything that felt like a challenge for us this week?"

• The Goal is Understanding, Not Winning: This is not a time for debate or problem-solving every single issue. It is a time for listening, validating your partner's feelings ("I hear you," "That makes sense"), and taking notes on what to be mindful of in the week ahead. This practice of open, honest communication is vital.

8. Practice "Parallel Play" in the Same Space

The Habit: Intentionally spend time in the same room, engaged in separate, individual activities, without the pressure to interact. This is "parallel play," a concept from child psychology that is incredibly beneficial for adult relationships.

The "Why": In a long-term partnership, there can be a subtle pressure to do everything together. But a healthy marriage is made up of two whole, individual people who have their own interests and hobbies. The "parallel play" trend celebrates this. It’s the simple, profound comfort of being alone, together. It fosters a sense of intimacy that is not based on constant conversation, but on a quiet, shared presence. It’s a way to recharge your individual batteries while still feeling connected to your partner, a silent affirmation that says, "I love being with you, even when we're not doing the same thing."

How to Do It: This is one of the easiest habits to implement.

• Designate a Space: Your living room or bedroom can be the perfect spot.

• Choose Your Activities: One partner might be reading a book on the sofa while the other is at a desk answering emails. One might be knitting while the other plays a video game with headphones on.

• Embrace the Silence: The key is to resist the urge to fill the quiet with chatter. The silence is not awkward; it is comfortable and companionable. This practice builds a deep sense of security and ease in a relationship. It acknowledges and respects your individual identities, which is essential for long-term health. It's a reminder that a partnership is about both togetherness and individual freedom, a balance that is explored in many great stories, including the best Eddie Murphy movies.

7. Schedule "Micro-Dates" Throughout the Week

The Habit: In addition to, or in place of, a high-pressure weekly date night, schedule several small, intentional, and screen-free moments of connection throughout your week. These are your "micro-dates."

The "Why": The traditional weekly "date night" can be a fantastic ritual, but for busy couples, the pressure to plan something epic can sometimes lead to it not happening at all. The "micro-dating" trend is a more realistic and sustainable approach to intimacy. It’s based on the idea that the frequency of positive connection is more important than the duration. These small, consistent deposits into your "emotional bank account" keep your connection strong and prevent you from feeling like two ships passing in the night.

How to Do It: A micro-date can be as short as 10-15 minutes. The only rule is that it must be intentional and screen-free.

• The Morning Coffee: Wake up 15 minutes earlier to have a cup of coffee together on the porch before the day begins.

• The "Welcome Home" Hug: When the first person gets home from work, take two minutes to greet each other with a proper hug and a "how was your day?" before getting swept up in evening chores.

• The Post-Dinner Walk: A quick, 10-minute walk around the block after dinner to catch up. These small moments are the connective tissue of a strong marriage. They are the daily reminders that, no matter how busy life gets, you are a team. This theme of finding romance in the small moments is a hallmark of the best fall romance stories.

External Link: The book "Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love" by Drs. John and Julie Gottman is a fantastic resource for structured date ideas that foster deep connection.

6. Master the Art of the Six-Second Kiss

The Habit: At least once a day, share a kiss with your partner that lasts for a minimum of six seconds.

The "Why": This simple but incredibly powerful habit comes directly from the research of Dr. John Gottman. A quick peck on the cheek is a sign of affection, but a six-second kiss is something more. Six seconds is long enough to be intentional, to move beyond simple habit and into a moment of genuine presence and connection. Dr. Gottman calls it a "kiss with potential." Scientifically, a longer kiss releases oxytocin, the "love hormone," which promotes feelings of bonding, attachment, and relaxation.

How to Do It: This is a simple but not always easy habit to remember in the rush of daily life.

• Anchor It to a Routine: The best way to make this a habit is to attach it to an existing one. Make it the kiss you share before one of you leaves for work in the morning, or the one you share right before you go to sleep at night.

• Be Present: During those six seconds, try to be fully present. Close your eyes. Focus on the sensation. It’s not about turning it into a full make-out session (though it can!); it's simply about creating a small, meaningful moment of physical intimacy. This tiny change can have a massive impact, helping to maintain the romantic and physical spark in your relationship. It’s a small investment that pays huge dividends in emotional and physical intimacy.

5. Become a Student of Your Partner

The Habit: Actively and intentionally remain curious about your partner. Acknowledge that they are a dynamic, evolving person, and make it your mission to continuously learn about their inner world.

The "Why": The greatest danger in a long-term relationship is the "I already know everything about you" mindset. When we stop being curious, we start making assumptions, and our partners can begin to feel unseen and taken for granted. The practice of being a "student" of your partner is about understanding that the person you married ten years ago is not the exact same person you are married to today. Their hopes, fears, and dreams are constantly evolving, just like yours. Staying curious is what keeps a relationship feeling alive, dynamic, and deeply connected.

How to Do It: This is about asking better questions.

• Go Beyond "How Was Your Day?": Instead, try more open-ended questions like, "What was the most interesting thing you read today?" or "What's been taking up the most space in your head lately?"

• Explore Their World: If they have a hobby you don't share, ask them about it with genuine interest. Ask them to teach you something about it.

• Listen to Understand, Not to Respond: When they share something, your only job is to listen and be curious. This practice is a gift of attention, one of the most powerful gifts you can give. It ensures that you are not just growing old together, but that you are actively growing together. This is a key element of any great partnership, a theme explored in this article on mental health and personal growth.

4. Create a "Third Place" Together

The Habit: Find a physical location that is not your home (the first place) and not your work (the second place) that you and your partner can enjoy together as a regular "third place."

The "Why": The concept of the "third place," coined by sociologist Ray Oldenburg, refers to the anchors of community life that facilitate social interaction. For a couple, having a shared third place is incredibly powerful. It’s a neutral ground, a place free from the chores and responsibilities of home and the stresses of work. It’s a space where you can simply be a couple, interacting with each other and the world in a different context. This shared experience creates a new set of memories and inside jokes that are unique to your partnership.

How to Do It: A third place can be anything.

• The Coffee Shop: A local café that you visit together every Saturday morning.

• The Pub or Wine Bar: A cozy spot where you can unwind together after a long week.

• The Park or Hiking Trail: A natural space where you can walk, talk, and decompress.

• The Bookstore or Library: A quiet, inspiring place to browse together. The key is consistency. It should be a place you return to regularly, a spot that feels like "yours." This shared space becomes a part of your story as a couple, a place that is woven into the fabric of your relationship.

External Link: The book "The Great Good Place" by Ray Oldenburg is the seminal work on this fascinating and important concept.

3. Fight Fair: The Rules of Healthy Conflict

The Habit: Acknowledge that conflict is an inevitable and healthy part of any relationship, and agree on a set of "rules of engagement" for how you will handle disagreements.

The "Why": It is not the presence of conflict that predicts divorce; it is how a couple navigates that conflict. Unhealthy conflict is about winning, about proving you are right and your partner is wrong. Healthy conflict is about understanding, about finding a resolution that works for both of you. Establishing a set of ground rules for your arguments can transform them from destructive battles into productive conversations.

How to Do It: Sit down together when you are both calm and agree on your rules. Some of the most effective rules, backed by research from experts like The Gottman Institute, include:

• No "Four Horsemen": Ban criticism, contempt (e.g., eye-rolling, sarcasm), defensiveness, and stonewalling (shutting down).

• Use "I" Statements: Instead of "You always do this," try "I feel hurt when this happens."

• The "Pause" Button: Agree that either partner can call a 20-minute timeout if the conversation becomes too heated. This allows both of you to calm your nervous systems before you resume.

• Tackle One Issue at a Time: Don't bring up a "kitchen sink" of past grievances. Stick to the specific issue at hand. Having these rules in place doesn't mean you won't get angry, but it does provide a container to ensure that your anger doesn't destroy your connection.

2. Prioritize Physical Touch (That Isn't About Sex)

The Habit: Make a conscious effort to incorporate non-sexual, affectionate physical touch into your daily interactions.

The "Why": Physical touch is one of our most fundamental human needs. It is a primary language of safety, comfort, and connection. In a long-term marriage, it's easy for physical touch to become primarily associated with sex. But a wealth of research shows that consistent, non-sexual touch—a hand on the small of the back as you pass in the kitchen, holding hands while you watch TV, a simple foot rub on the sofa—is absolutely crucial for maintaining a deep sense of intimacy and emotional safety. It keeps the pilot light of your physical connection burning.

How to Do It:

• Be Intentional: Make a mental note to reach out and touch your partner in a loving, non-demanding way several times a day.

• The Welcome/Goodbye Hug: Make sure your hellos and goodbyes always include a proper hug, not just a rushed peck.

• The "Sofa Snuggle": Make it a habit to sit next to each other, with legs touching or a hand on a knee, when you're relaxing in the evening. This habit is about fostering a constant, low-level stream of physical affection that says, "I am here, I am with you, we are connected." It’s a powerful, silent way to nurture your bond. The importance of this connection is a theme often explored in the most romantic movies and shows.

External Link: The concept of the "Five Love Languages," which includes physical touch, is explored in Gary Chapman's bestselling book, The 5 Love Languages.

1. Turn Towards Each Other, Not Away

The Habit: The number one, most important habit for a strong marriage is to consistently "turn towards" your partner's "bids for connection."

The "Why": According to decades of research by The Gottman Institute, this is the single greatest predictor of marital success. A "bid for connection" is any attempt from one partner to get the attention, affirmation, or affection of the other. It can be as small as "Wow, look at that bird outside," or as significant as "I had a really hard day at work." "Turning towards" is the act of acknowledging and engaging with that bid. "Turning away" is the act of ignoring or dismissing it.

How to Do It: This is about paying attention to the small moments.

• The Bid: Your partner sighs heavily while doing the dishes.

• Turning Away: You ignore it and continue scrolling on your phone.

• Turning Towards: You put down your phone, walk over, and say, "You seem stressed. What's on your mind?"

• The Bid: Your partner says, "Check out this funny video."

• Turning Away: You say, "I'm busy right now."

• Turning Towards: You take 30 seconds to watch the video and laugh with them. Happy couples are not those who don't fight; they are those who are constantly turning towards each other in these small, seemingly insignificant moments. Each "turn towards" is a small deposit in your emotional bank account, building up a massive reserve of goodwill, trust, and connection that will see you through the difficult times. It is the simple, profound, and most important work of a loving marriage.

  
  

Conclusion

A strong and joyful marriage is not a fairy tale; it is a choice. It is the sum of a thousand small, intentional choices made every single day. The ten habits on this list are not a magic formula, but they are a powerful, proven roadmap. They are a guide to building a partnership that is not just about surviving, but about thriving. By choosing to prioritize these small acts of kindness, communication, and connection, you are actively investing in the health and happiness of your most important relationship. You are choosing to build a love that is not only strong enough to weather the storms but one that can also dance in the rain.

We hope you found this article inspiring and helpful! If you enjoy our content, please consider supporting our work with a small donation or by sharing our articles with your friends and family. Your support helps us continue to create joyful and informative content.

For more on building a beautiful life and strong connections, check out these other articles from That Love Podcast:

• The Art of Self-Love: How to Cultivate a Healthy Relationship with Yourself

• 10 Mental Health Habits That Changed My Life (and Can Change Yours Too)

• 7 Digital Detox Challenges That’ll Rewire Your Brain in 30 Days

• 14 Affirmations to Say Every Morning (That Actually Work)

External Links

1. The Gottman Institute: The leading research institute on marriage and relationships, with a wealth of free articles and resources.

2. Esther Perel's Blog: The renowned relationship therapist offers brilliant insights on modern love, intimacy, and communication.

3. Talkspace: An online therapy platform that can connect you with licensed couples counselors.

4. The 5 Love Languages® Official Website: Take the official quiz to discover your and your partner's love languages.

5. Brené Brown's Website: Explore the work of the acclaimed researcher on vulnerability, courage, and connection.

6. The New York Times - Modern Love: A long-running column featuring beautiful, real-life essays on love and relationships.

7. Psychology Today - Relationships: Find articles from therapists and experts on a wide range of relationship topics.

8. The Adventure Challenge: Couples Edition: A book with scratch-off date ideas designed to bring novelty and fun into your relationship.

FAQs

1. What is the most important habit for a strong marriage? According to extensive research by The Gottman Institute, the most crucial habit is consistently "turning towards" your partner's bids for connection—acknowledging and engaging with their small, everyday attempts to connect with you.

   
   

2. How often should we have a "State of the Union" check-in? A weekly check-in is the most commonly recommended frequency. It's often enough to address issues before they fester, but not so often that it feels like a chore.

3. My partner isn't interested in these habits. Can I do them alone? You can certainly start some of them on your own, like celebrating their "green flags" or becoming a better student of them. Your positive changes may inspire them to join in. However, for habits that require mutual participation, like the check-in, it's best to have a gentle conversation about why it's important to you.

4. What are the "Four Horsemen" of a relationship apocalypse? This is a concept from Dr. John Gottman. The four communication styles that he found to be the biggest predictors of divorce are: Criticism (attacking your partner's character), Contempt (sarcasm, eye-rolling, disrespect), Defensiveness (blame-shifting, making excuses), and Stonewalling (shutting down and refusing to engage).

   
   

5. We're too busy for a full date night. What are some "micro-date" ideas? A micro-date can be as simple as a 10-minute, phone-free coffee together in the morning, a 15-minute walk after dinner, or five minutes of cuddling before you get out of bed. The key is intentional, focused connection.

6. What if we're not big on physical touch? Physical touch is one of the "Five Love Languages," and it may not be your primary one. However, some form of affectionate touch is still vital for most relationships. Find what feels comfortable for both of you—it could be as simple as a hand on the shoulder or sitting close together on the sofa.

   
   

7. How do we start fighting fair if we have a long history of bad arguments? Start by agreeing on just one or two rules, like banning contempt or implementing a "pause" button. It takes time to unlearn old habits. Be patient and compassionate with each other as you practice the new skills.

8. What is a "bid for connection"? A bid is any attempt from one partner to get the attention, affirmation, or affection of the other. It can be a question, a comment, a gesture, or a touch. How these bids are met over time is a huge indicator of relationship health.

9. What are "relationship green flags"? A "green flag" is a positive behavior or trait that indicates a healthy and secure relationship. Examples include your partner being a good listener, respecting your boundaries, celebrating your successes, and speaking kindly about their exes.

   
   

10. Where can we find resources if we need more serious help? If you are facing significant challenges, seeking professional help from a licensed couples therapist or counselor is a wonderful and courageous step. Online platforms like Talkspace or BetterHelp, or local directories like Psychology Today, can help you find a qualified professional.