In the beautiful, sprawling garden of a long-term partnership, love is the seed. But for that seed to grow into a resilient, life-giving tree that can weather any storm, it needs strong, deep roots. Marriage is not a static destination; it is a dynamic, living ecosystem that requires conscious and consistent nurturing. In our modern world, filled with endless distractions and pressures, it's easy to forget to water these roots, to tend to the very foundation of our most important relationship. The result can be a connection that feels distant, fragile, and vulnerable.

The good news is that the desire for deep, meaningful connection is stronger than ever. On social media platforms like TikTok and Pinterest, a new generation is championing a more intentional approach to relationships. The trends are shifting away from fairytale ideals and towards the real, practical work of building a life together. We’re seeing viral content about "emotional bids," the power of "active listening," and the beauty of "parallel play" for couples. The conversation is about cultivating a partnership that is not just about romantic love, but about profound friendship, unwavering support, and a shared commitment to mutual growth.

This guide is designed to be your blueprint for cultivating those deep, essential marriage roots. We will count down, in descending order, 10 foundational principles that are the bedrock of a strong, lasting, and deeply satisfying connection. These are not grand, one-time gestures, but the small, consistent, and powerful practices that create a resilient and thriving partnership. Think of this as a journey to the very heart of your relationship, a chance to nourish the roots so that your love can continue to blossom for years to come.

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10. Cultivate a Culture of Play and Adventure

(Image: A couple laughing together while trying a new hobby, like pottery or a cooking class.)

The Vibe: Life, especially in a long-term marriage, can become bogged down by routine and responsibility. The "business" of running a life together—work, bills, chores, kids—can slowly extinguish the spark of fun and spontaneity that first brought you together. Cultivating a culture of play and adventure is the intentional act of fighting against this "routine-ification." It’s about remembering that you are not just partners in logistics; you are partners in joy. It’s about making a conscious effort to laugh together, try new things, be silly, and create new, exciting memories that are not tied to your daily obligations.

Why It Strengthens Your Marriage: Play is a powerful antidote to stress and a potent catalyst for bonding. According to relationship therapists, shared laughter and novel experiences release oxytocin and dopamine, the "bonding" and "pleasure" neurochemicals, strengthening your sense of connection and intimacy. Trying new things together pulls you out of your rigid roles (e.g., "the responsible one," "the planner") and allows you to see each other in a new light. It creates a reservoir of positive, joyful memories that you can draw upon during more challenging times. A marriage that plays together, stays together. The importance of shared joy is a theme we explore in our guide on Planning the Perfect Romantic Weekend Getaway.

How to Implement It:

• The "Novelty Jar": At the beginning of a season, sit down together and write down a list of new, fun, low-pressure things you’d like to try. It could be anything from visiting a new coffee shop, trying a new hiking trail, taking a dance class, or going to an arcade. Put them in a jar and pull one out once a week or once a month.

  
  

• Embrace Silliness: Don't be afraid to be goofy together. Have an impromptu dance party in the kitchen, speak in silly accents, or engage in a pillow fight. This breaks the tension of adult life.

• Explore Like a Tourist: Make a pact to explore your own city or town like tourists once a season. Visit a museum you've never been to or a neighbourhood you don't know well.

• Turn Chores into Games: Find ways to inject fun into mundane tasks. Put on your favourite music and have a "power hour" of cleaning, or turn cooking dinner into a collaborative, creative project. For more on the power of shared experiences, you can explore articles on relationship psychology from publications like Psychology Today.

9. Prioritize Physical Touch (Beyond the Bedroom)

(Image: A close-up shot of a couple holding hands while walking.)

The Vibe: In the day-to-day of a long-term marriage, physical touch can sometimes become transactional or reserved solely for sexual intimacy. However, non-sexual, affectionate touch is one of the most powerful and fundamental ways we communicate safety, love, and connection. This root is about being intentional with the small, everyday physical gestures that keep you tethered to each other—the lingering hug, the hand on the small of their back as you pass in the kitchen, holding hands while you watch TV, a simple foot rub at the end of a long day.

Why It Strengthens Your Marriage: Affectionate physical touch is a primary human need. It is our first language of love and security. Consistent, positive touch lowers cortisol (the stress hormone) and releases oxytocin, which fosters feelings of trust, calm, and connection. It’s a constant, non-verbal reassurance that you are a team, that you are there for each other. According to research from institutions like the University of California, Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, couples who engage in more frequent affectionate touch report higher levels of relationship satisfaction. It keeps the pilot light of your physical connection lit, which makes sexual intimacy feel like a natural extension of your daily affection, rather than a separate, scheduled event. The importance of this connection is a key component of many long-term Couple Goals.

How to Implement It:

• The 6-Second Hug: Make a habit of giving each other a meaningful, 6-second hug at least once a day (when you leave for work, when you reunite at the end of the day). Six seconds is the minimum time it takes for oxytocin to be released.

• Be a "Leaner": When you're standing next to each other, simply lean your body against theirs. It’s a small, subconscious signal of trust and comfort.

• The Casual Touch: Make a conscious effort to touch your partner in passing. A hand on their shoulder, a stroke of their arm, running your fingers through their hair.

• Sit Closer: When you're sitting on the sofa, close the gap. Let your legs or shoulders touch. This simple proximity fosters connection. The importance of these small gestures is a theme we explore in our article 10 Ways to Show Love Without Saying a Word.

8. Become Fluent in Each Other’s Inner Worlds

(Image: A couple sitting together on a sofa, talking closely and making eye contact, fully engaged in conversation.)

The Vibe: The person you married five, ten, or twenty years ago is not the same person they are today. We are all constantly evolving, changing our minds, developing new fears, and dreaming new dreams. One of the deepest roots of a strong marriage is the ongoing, curious commitment to knowing who your partner is right now. This is about moving beyond the surface-level "how was your day?" conversations and creating a safe space for true, vulnerable sharing. It’s about being the one person in the world who truly understands the landscape of your partner’s inner world.

Why It Strengthens Your Marriage: This practice of creating what Dr. John Gottman calls "love maps" is a cornerstone of emotional intimacy. When you feel that your partner is genuinely interested in your thoughts, feelings, and experiences, it creates a profound sense of being seen, valued, and understood. This emotional intimacy is the foundation of a deep and resilient friendship, which is the true bedrock of a lasting marriage. It prevents you from slowly drifting apart into the roles of "roommates" or "co-parents" and keeps you connected as intimate partners. This journey of understanding is a key part of personal and relational growth, a topic we explore in our Transform Your Life series.

How to Implement It:

• Ask Open-Ended Questions: Instead of "Did you have a good day?" (which invites a yes/no answer), try "What was the best part of your day?" or "What was the most challenging thing you dealt with today?"

• The "State of the Union" Meeting: Schedule a weekly, low-pressure check-in. Ask each other questions like: "What's been on your mind this week?" "Is there anything you need from me?" "What made you feel loved this week?"

• Listen to Understand, Not to Solve: Often, when your partner is sharing a problem, they are not looking for a solution; they are looking for empathy. Practice listening with the sole goal of understanding their feelings. A simple "That sounds so frustrating, tell me more" is more valuable than a list of unsolicited advice.

• Know Their World: Make an effort to know the names of their colleagues, the details of their current projects, and the things that are causing them stress. This shows you are paying attention. This kind of deep connection is often explored in the love stories we review, like the one in About Time.

7. Champion Each Other's Growth (and Grow Together)

(Image: A partner enthusiastically supporting the other's personal project or hobby.)

The Vibe: A healthy marriage is not a cage; it's a greenhouse. It is a place where both individuals feel supported, encouraged, and safe enough to grow into the best versions of themselves. This root is about being each other's biggest cheerleader. It's about taking a genuine interest in your partner's personal and professional goals, celebrating their successes as if they were your own, and providing a soft place to land when they fail. It’s also about a shared commitment to growing together as a couple, whether that’s by learning a new skill, taking on a new challenge, or working through your shared growth areas.

Why It Strengthens Your Marriage: When your partner is your biggest champion, it creates an incredible sense of security and boosts individual self-esteem. It fosters a dynamic where the relationship is seen as a source of strength and empowerment, not a limitation. This "growth mindset" within a relationship is a powerful predictor of long-term success. According to researchers, couples who actively support each other's personal growth report higher levels of passion, intimacy, and commitment. It keeps the relationship dynamic and forward-moving, preventing stagnation. This supportive dynamic is a key component of many healthy relationships, a theme we explore in our article on Navigating the First Year of Marriage.

How to Implement It:

• Know Their Dreams: Make a point to ask your partner about their personal goals. What is something they've always wanted to learn or do? How can you help them achieve it?

• Celebrate the Wins: Make a big deal out of their accomplishments, no matter how small they may seem. This reinforces that you are on their team.

• Be a Safe Harbor for Failure: When they face a setback, be their source of comfort and encouragement, not criticism.

• Set "Couple Goals": Work together towards a shared goal. This could be anything from running a 5k together, to saving for a big trip, to learning a new language. This fosters a powerful sense of teamwork. For more ideas, check out our guide to 30 Relationship Goals for a Stronger Connection.

6. Learn to Fight Fair: Conflict as a Tool for Connection

(Image: A couple sitting opposite each other, looking serious but engaged, actively listening.)

The Vibe: The idea that a happy marriage is a conflict-free marriage is a dangerous myth. Conflict is not only inevitable; it is necessary for growth. The difference between a healthy marriage and an unhealthy one is not the absence of conflict, but how that conflict is handled. Fighting fair is the skill of navigating disagreements with respect, empathy, and a commitment to finding a solution, rather than winning the argument. It's about remembering that the goal is not to defeat your partner, but to defeat the problem together.

Why It Strengthens Your Marriage: When conflict is handled constructively, it can actually bring a couple closer together. It’s an opportunity to voice unmet needs, to understand each other on a deeper level, and to build trust. When you know that you can survive a disagreement and come out the other side with your connection intact, it creates a profound sense of security. You learn that your relationship is a safe space where you can be honest and vulnerable without fear of it shattering. According to The Gottman Institute, avoiding conflict is far more dangerous to a marriage than engaging in it, as it leads to resentment and emotional distance. For more on their research into conflict styles, you can visit their blog.

How to Implement It:

• Attack the Problem, Not the Person: Focus your language on the issue at hand, not on your partner's character. Use "I" statements to express your feelings (e.g., "I feel hurt when...") instead of "You" statements that sound like accusations (e.g., "You always...").

  
  

• Ban the "Four Horsemen": Make a pact to avoid Criticism, Contempt (sarcasm, eye-rolling), Defensiveness, and Stonewalling (shutting down). These are the four communication styles that Dr. Gottman identified as the biggest predictors of divorce.

  
  

• Practice Active Listening: When your partner is speaking, give them your full attention. Paraphrase what they've said back to them ("What I'm hearing is that you feel...") to ensure you understand their perspective.

• Master the Art of the "Repair Attempt": During a heated argument, a repair attempt is any action or statement that is meant to de-escalate the tension. It can be a touch on the arm, a bit of humour, or a simple "I'm sorry, can we start over?" Learning to both make and accept these is crucial. This is a core skill for building a strong foundation, a topic we explore in our article Setting Healthy Boundaries.

5. Share a Foundation of Core Values

(Image: A diverse image showing different couples, perhaps one volunteering, one at a place of worship, one hiking, representing shared values.)

The Vibe: While it’s often said that "opposites attract," for a long-term partnership to thrive, there needs to be a fundamental alignment on the big stuff. Core values are the guiding principles of your life—your beliefs about family, finances, faith, honesty, and how you treat other people. While you don’t need to agree on everything, having a shared foundation of core values provides a compass that keeps you both heading in the same general direction. It is the deep, often unspoken, understanding that you are on the same team, playing by the same essential rules.

Why It Strengthens Your Marriage: When you share core values, it makes decision-making, especially on major life issues, significantly easier. You are starting from a place of shared understanding. It provides a sense of stability and predictability in the relationship. You can trust that, in a crisis, your partner's fundamental approach will be compatible with your own. This shared worldview fosters a deep sense of respect and admiration for each other. It’s a connection that goes beyond surface-level interests and taps into the very essence of who you are as people. This deep alignment is a key component of a successful life partnership, a journey we often discuss on That Love Podcast.

How to Implement It:

• Have the Conversation: Don't assume you know your partner's core values. Have an explicit conversation about them. You can find lists of core values online (like this one from author Brené Brown) to use as a starting point.

• Identify Your Top 3-5: Each of you should identify your top 3-5 most important values. Are they the same? Where do they overlap? Where do they differ?

• Create a "Family Mission Statement": Together, write down a short statement that encapsulates the shared values you want to guide your family and your marriage.

• Revisit and Re-evaluate: Core values can evolve over time. Make it a practice to check in every few years to see if you are still aligned and to discuss any shifts in your perspectives. The process of building a life together is a journey, a theme we explore in our review of the film The Last of Us.

4. Assume the Best: The Power of Positive Perspective

(Image: A partner smiling warmly at the other, who has perhaps made a small, endearing mistake.)

The Vibe: In any long-term relationship, there will be countless moments of ambiguity—a short text, a forgotten promise, a distracted tone of voice. In these moments, we have a choice. We can assume the worst (they're angry, they don't care, they're hiding something), or we can assume the best (they're busy, they forgot, they're just having a bad day). Choosing to consistently assume the best in your partner, to give them the benefit of the doubt, is one of the most powerful and transformative roots you can cultivate. It is an active choice to see your partner through a lens of love and generosity.

Why It Strengthens Your Marriage: Assuming good intent is the ultimate antidote to petty arguments and unnecessary conflict. It stops resentment from taking root before it even has a chance. This practice creates an atmosphere of grace and psychological safety in the relationship. Both partners feel free to be imperfect, to make mistakes, knowing that they won't be immediately met with suspicion or accusation. This "positive perspective" is a key finding from the work of marriage researcher Shaunti Feldhahn. Her research, detailed in books like The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages, shows that happy couples consistently look for the good and extend grace to each other.

How to Implement It:

• The "Generous Interpretation" Rule: The next time your partner does something that triggers a negative reaction in you, pause. Before you react, consciously ask yourself: "What is the most generous possible interpretation of this situation?"

• Challenge Your Negative Story: Our brains are quick to create stories. If your partner is late, your brain might spin a story that they are inconsiderate. Actively challenge that story. "Maybe there was terrible traffic. Maybe they had a last-minute work emergency."

• Lead with Curiosity, Not Accusation: Instead of "Why are you so late?", which is an accusation, try "Hey, is everything okay? I was starting to get worried." This opens the door for connection instead of conflict. This generous approach is a cornerstone of a happy life, a theme we explore in our guide to 10 Daily Self-Care Habits to Ignite Joy.

3. Friendship: The Unshakeable Foundation

(Image: A couple laughing and being silly together, showcasing a genuine friendship.)

The Vibe: The passionate, romantic love of the early years is a beautiful and thrilling thing. But the true, enduring strength of a lasting marriage lies in the quality of the couple's friendship. Friendship is the foundation upon which everything else is built. It’s the inside jokes, the shared history, the comfortable silences, the unwavering support, and the genuine delight in each other's company. It’s the knowledge that, at the end of the day, your partner is not just your lover or your co-parent; they are your best friend.

Why It Strengthens Your Marriage: Friendship is what carries a couple through the seasons when the romantic passion naturally ebbs and flows. It's the core of emotional intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. According to Dr. John Gottman's research, a strong marital friendship is the number one predictor of a happy, lasting marriage. It creates a powerful buffer against external stressors and internal conflicts. When you genuinely like and respect the person you are married to, you are more likely to be kind, generous, and forgiving.

How to Implement It:

• Prioritize "Friend Time": Make time for activities that are purely about enjoying each other's company, with no other agenda. This is where you can do things you used to do when you were just friends.

• Share Your Inner World: As discussed in root #8, friendship is built on knowing and being known. Continue to share your thoughts, dreams, and fears with each other.

• Cultivate Inside Jokes: Pay attention to the funny, silly moments in your life and turn them into your own private language of inside jokes.

• Be Each Other's Confidante: Create a relationship where you are the first person your partner wants to share good news with and the first person they turn to for comfort with bad news. The simple act of being there for each other is a powerful expression of love, a theme we explore in our article 10 Ways to Show Love Without Saying a Word.

2. Trust and Honesty: The Non-Negotiable Core

(Image: A symbolic image of two hands clasped together, representing trust and reliability.)

The Vibe: Trust is the very air that a healthy marriage breathes. It is the quiet, unwavering faith that your partner has your best interests at heart, that they will be there for you when they say they will, and that they are being honest with you. Honesty is the practice that builds and maintains that trust. This root is about a shared commitment to a culture of absolute transparency and reliability. It’s about more than just avoiding big betrayals; it's about the small, everyday acts of being truthful, dependable, and emotionally consistent.

Why It Strengthens Your Marriage: Trust is the foundation of emotional safety. Without it, true intimacy and vulnerability are impossible. When you trust your partner, you can be your authentic self without fear of judgment or abandonment. You can navigate conflicts knowing that your partner is not trying to deceive or manipulate you. Trust is what allows a couple to function as a true team, to rely on each other completely. A breach of trust, whether through dishonesty or unreliability, is one of the most damaging things that can happen to a marriage, and rebuilding it is a long and difficult process. For resources on building trust, you can explore the work of renowned therapist and author Esther Perel.

How to Implement It:

• Practice "Small Honesty": Be honest about the little things. If you're running late, say so. If you made a mistake, own up to it. This builds a foundation of truthfulness.

• Do What You Say You Will Do: Reliability is a cornerstone of trust. If you say you will do something, make every effort to do it. This shows your partner that your word is good.

  
  

• Be Emotionally Honest: Be willing to be vulnerable and share your true feelings, even the difficult ones. This is the heart of emotional trust.

• Never Keep Secrets: A healthy marriage should be free of secrets, especially concerning finances, friendships, or major life decisions. Transparency is key. This level of honesty is a core component of building a life together, a journey we discuss in From "I Do" to "We Did": Celebrating Your First Anniversary.

1. Unwavering Commitment: The Ultimate Choice

(Image: An older couple sitting on a bench, holding hands and smiling at each other, representing a lifetime of commitment.)

The Vibe: At the very heart of it all, the single most important root of a strong and lasting marriage is commitment. This is not a feeling; it is a conscious, deliberate choice. It is the choice you make every single day to invest in your relationship, to prioritize your partner, and to stay the course even when it’s difficult. Commitment is the quiet promise that you will not abandon the ship at the first sign of a storm. It is the unwavering belief that your partnership is worth fighting for. It’s the understanding that love is not just a noun; it is a verb, an action, a daily practice.

Why It Strengthens Your Marriage: Commitment is the ultimate anchor. It creates the profound sense of security that allows both partners to be vulnerable, to make mistakes, and to grow, knowing that the foundation of the relationship is solid. When both partners are fully committed, they are more likely to put in the hard work required to navigate challenges. They are more willing to forgive, to compromise, and to invest in the other practices on this list. It transforms the mindset from "What am I getting out of this?" to "What can I give to this?" This sense of permanence and security is the fertile ground in which all the other roots can grow and thrive.

How to Implement It:

• Voice Your Commitment: Regularly tell your partner that you are committed to them and to your marriage. "I choose you." "We're going to get through this together." "I'm not going anywhere."

• Eliminate the "D-Word": Make a pact to never use the word "divorce" as a threat during an argument. Using it as a weapon creates instability and fear.

  
  

• Invest in Your Future: Make long-term plans together. This reinforces your belief in a shared future.

• Act Like It's Forever: In your daily actions, behave with the understanding that this is a lifelong partnership. This will influence how you handle conflicts, make decisions, and treat each other. The ultimate expression of this commitment is the very act of marriage itself, a celebration we explore in our guide Let’s Get This Party Started: A Guide to Creating a Fun Wedding Reception.

Conclusion

A thriving marriage is one of the most beautiful and rewarding experiences life has to offer, but it is not a matter of luck; it is a matter of cultivation. Like a majestic, ancient tree, a strong marriage is the result of years of nurturing the deep, unseen roots that provide its strength and stability. By consciously and consistently practicing these 10 essential principles—from cultivating play to nurturing an unwavering commitment— you are actively tending to the foundation of your partnership.

These are not just tasks to be checked off a list, but a mindset to be adopted, a way of being together that prioritizes connection, respect, and mutual growth. It’s a journey that requires patience, grace, and a whole lot of love. But the reward—a resilient, joyful, and deeply connected partnership that can truly last a lifetime—is worth every ounce of effort.

We hope this article has provided you with valuable insights and practical tools to strengthen your relationship. This blog is a labour of love, and we are passionate about providing free, high-quality content. If you enjoyed what you read, please consider supporting our work. A small donation helps us continue to create and share valuable resources. You can also support us by sharing this article with a friend who might find it useful. Your support means the world to us.

Read More From That Love Podcast:

• 10 Ways to Strengthen a Marriage and Avoid Divorce

• Navigating the First Year of Marriage: Tips for a Strong Foundation

• Couple Goals: 30 Relationship Goals for a Stronger, More Intimate Connection

• How to Build a Self-Care Day Routine That Actually Sticks

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

1. What is the single most important factor for a successful marriage? While all these roots are important, most experts, including Dr. John Gottman, would point to a strong marital friendship and a culture of fondness and admiration as the most crucial predictors of long-term success.

2. Is it normal to have doubts about your marriage? Yes, it is completely normal to experience periods of doubt or disconnection in a long-term relationship. The key is how you address these feelings. Use them as a signal to reinvest in your connection using the principles outlined above.

3. How can we reconnect if we feel like we've grown apart? Start small. Begin by implementing one or two of the rituals of connection, like a daily walk or morning coffee. Focus on rediscovering each other's inner worlds by asking open-ended questions. Couples counseling can also be an incredibly effective tool for facilitating reconnection.

4. How much conflict is "normal" in a marriage? There is no magic number. Some couples argue more frequently than others. The frequency of conflict is less important than the way you handle it. If your conflicts are respectful and lead to resolution, that is a sign of a healthy dynamic.

5. My partner and I have different "love languages." How do we navigate that? This is very common! The key is communication and intentional effort. Have an open conversation about your respective languages. Then, make a conscious effort to show love in the way your partner best receives it, and gently remind them of the ways you feel most loved.

6. Is it okay to have separate hobbies and friends? Not just okay—it's essential! As outlined in root #9, maintaining your individuality is crucial for the health of both you and your marriage. It prevents codependency and ensures you both continue to grow as individuals.

7. How do we keep the romance alive after having kids? This is a huge challenge for many couples. It requires being incredibly intentional. Prioritize small moments of connection, schedule date nights (even if they're at home after the kids are asleep), and make a conscious effort to see each other as romantic partners, not just as co-parents.

8. What if we disagree on a major core value? This can be a significant challenge and often requires deep conversation and possibly the help of a couples therapist. The goal is to find a path forward that honours both partners' beliefs, which may involve compromise or finding a creative third option.

9. What are "emotional bids"? An emotional bid, a concept from The Gottman Institute, is any attempt from one partner to another for connection. It can be a comment, a question, or a physical gesture. Responding positively to these bids ("turning towards") is crucial for building emotional intimacy.

   
   

10. Where can we find resources to help us build a stronger marriage? There are many fantastic resources available. Websites like The Gottman Institute and Esther Perel's blog offer research-backed advice. There are also many excellent books on the topic. For those looking for tools to facilitate conversation and connection, you can find a variety of couples' card games, journals, and books on platforms like Amazon.